Thursday, August 03, 2006

early
autumn rain
renewed the lawn
stretching I rise from bench
again

2 Comments:

Blogger Aurora said...

Ashi, I like this one. I was wondering what you'd think of rearranging the lines, however, for a smoother rendition, like this:

early autumn rain
renews the lawn
stretching --
I rise from
the bench again

Just a thought.:)

Thu Aug 03, 04:47:00 pm GMT  
Blogger Ashi said...

Thanks Aurora, I like your rearranging.
It change though the original plan of a 2-3-4-6-2 cinqku, which whas what I had in mind.

Fri Aug 04, 08:27:00 pm GMT  

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