early
autumn rain
renewed the lawn
stretching I rise from bench
again
autumn rain
renewed the lawn
stretching I rise from bench
again
posted by Ashi at Thursday, August 03, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
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Previous Posts
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2 Comments:
Ashi, I like this one. I was wondering what you'd think of rearranging the lines, however, for a smoother rendition, like this:
early autumn rain
renews the lawn
stretching --
I rise from
the bench again
Just a thought.:)
Thanks Aurora, I like your rearranging.
It change though the original plan of a 2-3-4-6-2 cinqku, which whas what I had in mind.
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