Tuesday, August 01, 2006

between the sky
and the spin of the earth
this falling leaf

(I'm unsure about the haiku "properness" of this type of phrasing?)


Blogger Gerald England said...

the trouble with talking about haiku "properness" is that there are no absolute absolutes about it and some people accuse other folk of being the "haiku police" -- but I hope there'll be none of that here.

my immediate problem with this ku [from an aesthetic persepective] is the presence of three definite articles.

Tue Aug 01, 10:06:00 pm GMT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could change it to

between the sky
and earth's spin
this falling leaf

to get rid of the three definite articles, if you'd like. But Lary, I love this haiku. In fact, I drew something like this the other day, and in drawing it, this was what I was wanting to show. Your words convey it much better though.:)

Tue Aug 01, 10:15:00 pm GMT  
Blogger laryalee said...

Thanks, Gerald...
I'm glad the dreaded HP won't be
hovering here!
Also glad you mentioned the articles...I guess they do stand out.

Hi Aurora,
I'm delighted you like this...
and your revision idea is good.
I also thought of:

between the sky
and this spinning earth
a falling leaf

But two "ing" words...oh my!
What a difference those small words
can make...and what a pain they can
sometimes be!


Wed Aug 02, 12:05:00 am GMT  
Blogger Gerald England said...

I love the specificity of *this* falling leaf -- a particular pulled from the many.

this earth?
in a scifaiku where there might be other aliens worlds around then maybe but here i would think not

Wed Aug 02, 06:56:00 am GMT  
Blogger polona said...

i like this haiku, larry!

Wed Aug 02, 06:59:00 pm GMT  
Blogger shanna baldwin-moore.... hawaiian haiku said...

as ever your words are magik and now I have to learn about articles...lol and I just got my spelling right I love the idea of this falling leaf between sky and earth suspended in time

Wed Aug 02, 10:52:00 pm GMT  
Blogger laryalee said...

Thanks, Gerald...
okay, I'll plan to keep "this" leaf!

Hi Polona...
thanks very much!

Hey Shanna!
Good to see you here...
glad you enjoyed this!


Thu Aug 03, 07:18:00 pm GMT  

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